my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
