I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
