yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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