you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did I show you my penis last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
