I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
