My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
