I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
