Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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