well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
