All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's the barista slut.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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