Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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