My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
