thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Soap is not a condiment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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