I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
