in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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