ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
