She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
