You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
