His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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