I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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