How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
