youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
