Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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