I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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