I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
