You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
