once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
