Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
