why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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