i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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