I hate your face
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
