Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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