Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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