Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
