Buhtt sex?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize