I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
