I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
