very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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