wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
