Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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