i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
