He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
