i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
