you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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