Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
