how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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