I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
