A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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