i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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