I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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