I just saw a hot homeless man
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's get the cat blown out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
