HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
