what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize