I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
