I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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