He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
