I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize