Barsexuality is the new black.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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