I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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