i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize