Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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