Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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