You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
