So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Damn victory sex feels great
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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