so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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