i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
