Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
why do cheetos always look like penises
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
