I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
