Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize