is your mom at the bar?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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