About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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