It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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