how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is pants optional.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
