so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
