Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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