I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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