Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
