Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize