Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Barsexuality is the new black.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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