So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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