went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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