i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
