well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
