Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
