He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
