If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize