remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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