he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
