Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
