I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
