I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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