Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
