how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
