I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
