dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
