Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
