two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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