Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
