it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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