I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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